These are the most frequently asked
questions and concerns about Bris. If you have any questions or concerns
that were not answered on this page, please email me at rabbi@mdmohel.com,
and I will respond promptly!
Q: My mother
says it one way and my grandmother says it another way. What is the proper
pronunciation for the word "Bris" and "Mohel?"
A: Brit ... Bris ... Mohel ... Moyel
... It really doesn’t matter how you say it; the Jewish rite of circumcision
performed on an eight day old baby is a prime first cut. All kidding aside,
the Bris is a momentous occasion in the baby’s life and that of his family.
It is meant to be a time of happiness and extreme rejoicing. I look forward
to sharing in your Simcha and joy!
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Q: Why is there
so much anxiety associated with Bris?
A: Anxious feelings are normal and
natural for new parents, but most of the anxiety is due to a fear of the
unknown. Most expectant couples attend childbirth education classes where
they are prepared for what to expect during childbirth in order to maximize
their ability to enjoy the process as much as possible. In the same way,
becoming knowledgeable about Bris can allay the natural anxiety parents
feel when planning a Bris for their son.
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Q: How much is
it going to hurt the baby?
A: Honestly, despite the fact that
the nerve endings of newborns are not fully developed, in all probability,
there will be some pain like any other minor cut or wound would inflict.
However, what is important to understand is that, while this pain is limited
and short-lived, what the Bris represents, that special bond being developed
between the baby and G-d, will be everlasting. No matter where the child
will be in life or what he’ll be doing, he will always have that Bris and
all that it symbolizes. Let me illustrate this idea with the following
story. Claude Monet, the renowned artist, was a student of another famous
artist, Pierre-Auguste Renoir. In the early 1900’s, toward the end of his
life, Renoir developed a severe case of arthritis making it difficult to
continue producing his beautiful, detailed paintings. His love for painting
was so deep however, that he tied a brush to his hand and continued to
paint broad stroke paintings. One day, Monet approached his teacher and
asked him why he doesn’t retire? Why do you continue to paint amidst so
much pain and suffering? You had an illustrious career, and now, enough
is enough! Renoir answered with conviction, The pain will fade away; it
won’t last, but the art that I produce will last forever, long after I
pass away. This story is a perfect analogy for the mitzvah (commandment)
of Bris. Yes, the Bris creates some pain (minimal if it’s a Rappaport Bris!)
but the special relationship and covenant it creates will last throughout
his lifetime. There is a topical anesthetic out on the market called Emmla
Cream that parents can get through their pediatrician. It is supposed to
reduce the pain felt by the baby. However, I must tell you that, in my
experience, I have not seen any difference between the amount of crying
by babies where Emmla is used and those where Emmla is not used. Babies
cry even when their diaper is changed simply because they do not like being
exposed to the air and handled. The best anesthesia really is speed and
accuracy in the procedure. The only benefit of Emmla, in my opinion--and
it is not something to dismiss easily--is that parents will be more relaxed
feeling that they have done something, at least, to minimize the pain.
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Q: Is there a
preferable time is for a Bris to take place?
A: The Bris of a healthy baby is
done on the eighth day of life (counting the day of birth). This is so
even if the eighth day falls on Shabbos, Yom Kippur or any other Jewish
festival. However, in the case of a baby born by Caesarean section, the
Bris is not performed on Shabbos or on a festival, but on the day following.
Bris Milah may not be performed before the eighth day or at night. In the
event that a baby is not in perfect health-even if not seriously ill-the
Bris is delayed until both the doctor and the mohel are in agreement as
to the healthy status of the baby. A common example of this situation is
newborn jaundice. However, in the case of serious illness, a delay of one
week following full recovery is required. There may be other technical
considerations that would necessitate delaying the Bris beyond the preferred
8th day. I would be glad and open to discuss your situation with you.
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Q: Why should
parents want or need to use a Mohel to perform a Bris?
A: Traditionally, the parents engage
a mohel to perform the Bris. A mohel is a person who is specially trained
in the medical and surgical techniques of circumcision. In addition to
being an expert in his field, the mohel is also an expert in the Jewish
laws pertaining to Bris Milah. A doctor’s medical circumcision, usually
performed in the hospital within the first few days after birth, does not
fulfill the requirements of a Bris Milah and is not considered valid according
to Jewish law. The Bris must be performed by a Jewish person who understands,
upholds and practices the tenets of the Jewish religion and is specially
trained to function as a mohel. It is important to choose a Mohel with
whom you feel comfortable, someone who will be accommodating to the specific
needs of the family. Pediatricians, obstetricians and urologists constantly
marvel at the work of a good mohel. I personally feel that in order to
be considered an expert Mohel, it is necessary to spend a significant amount
of time in training and apprenticing in order to become familiar with the
many challenging variations of the Bris area and its impact on how the
Bris must be performed in each case.
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Q: Does the Bris
have to be done in a Synagogue?
A: A Bris does not have to be done
at a Synagogue. My experience is that most families have the Bris where
it’s most comfortable for them, usually at their home or the home of a
close relative. Some people opt to have it at a catering hall.
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Q: What happens
in the ceremony?
A: How am I going to get all my
family and friends involved? How long is the ceremony? These are all great
questions. The Bris ceremony is a very special occasion and is accompanied
by much happiness and rejoicing. There are several honors to be conferred
during the ceremony, usually bestowed upon the relatives and close friends
of the baby’s family. The number of honors can always be minimized or maximized
in order to include every relative or friend that needs to be included.
A brief description of the ceremony is as follows: A couple enters with
the baby and the baby is placed on a chair designated as the Chair of Elijah.
The baby is then placed upon the lap of the Sandek (most often a grandfather)
who holds the baby during the circumcision procedure. After the appropriate
blessing is recited, the circumcision is performed by the mohel. Immediately
following the Bris, another blessing is said over a cup of wine, and the
baby receives his official Hebrew name, which he will proudly carry throughout
his life. The newborn child is often named after departed relatives, a
symbolic source of continued life for those no longer with us. My personal
Bris presentation includes all the blessings and prayers in the traditional
Hebrew and also in English for everyone to understand and appreciate. The
ceremony ends with the resounding wish of Mazel Tov! followed by the serving
of refreshments or a light meal. The entire ceremony lasts approximately
25 minutes.
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Q: Can we get
some clarity on the baby naming part? We need some assistance in choosing
our baby’s Hebrew name.
A: More often than not, the baby
is named for a departed relative, in which case the simplest way to go
is to determine what the Hebrew name of the relative was. If the name is
not known, parents can choose any Hebrew name, Biblical or contemporary.
I have named many a baby in my day by giving suggestions from which the
parents can choose. Biblical names are easy since virtually all have a
Hebrew source (i.e. Jacob-Yaakov, Samuel - Shmuel) but the English and
Hebrew name need not correspond. What about naming our son after a woman?
Some female names have a direct male counterpart (i.e. Chaya - Chaim, Tzivya
- Tzvi, Malka - Melech), but if the particular name does not, then the
custom is to use as many letters from the female name as possible. It is
also quite common for parents to choose a Hebrew name for a boy or girl
which would reflect meaning of the English name. For example, I recently
did a baby naming for a girl whose English name was Ava Valentine. For
Ava, a type of bird, we used Tzipporah (Hebrew for bird) and for Valentine,
which represents love, we used Ahava (Hebrew for love). There is much room
for creativity when it comes to the names.
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Although this all seems cut and
dry (no pun intended!) a Bris is so multi-faceted that one web page could
never cover all the issues. I invite anyone to contact me with any further
questions or comments. Let me conclude this page with one last question:
Q: Isn’t a Bris
a most barbaric act?
A: Have you ever met a barbarian
with a Bris?
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